You Aren’t Your Divorce

Divorce can be ugly, but that doesn’t mean that you’re ugly as well. A marriage is designed to be a lasting institution, but sadly almost half of the marriages in the United States fade until you’re left picking up the pieces of a life you thought you had while you define a new life for yourself.

While divorce may happen, it is critical to remember that you’re not the divorce – you are a dynamic individual who can set her own path away from the past.

Take Time to Mourn
A divorce, even one you sought, is a huge loss and it’s natural to go through the grieving process following the loss. Many times you do this while you’re working through the legal ramifications of the divorce, and it’s important that you let the natural course of things occur. That’s not to say you should be paralyzed with grief, but if you’re feeling shocked and angry, let it out through journaling or a new kickboxing class.

If you’re sad and withdrawn, nurture those feelings for a while with hot baths and sad movies. It’s important to let your mind go through the mourning process so that you can move on with a clear focus and not remained mired in the past. Remember, you’re grieving for the loss of something you thought you had – not the man you’ve moved on from, although you’re certainly free to grieve for him as well.

Chart a New Direction
As soon as you can with a clear head, spend some time thinking about what you want to be and how you’d like to live your new life. You may have a different financial situation and you might be looking at some tough choices, but they are still your choices. The worst thing you can do is to drift through life for years after a divorce blaming the circumstances on the divorce rather than your inactivity in regard to choosing what to do next.

You don’t have to make big sweeping decisions, but don’t just keep reacting to life as it comes along – it will simply pass you by. If you want to try a new career, get registered in the necessary courses. If you’re looking to distance yourself from your past, take up a new job that require travel or simply pick up and move to an entirely new area. Your new direction can be a smaller choice, too. You might just decide to change jobs within your company or start working for a promotion or a new, choice spot you weren’t interested in before.

Don’t Be a Victim of Divorce
Once you’ve reached a certain point, you’re in control of your response to divorce and all of the ugly questions and circumstances it raises. You don’t have to tell the world you’ve been divorced and you don’t need to keep his last name. You don’t need to be a spurned wife or slander his name to make you feel better.

In fact, letting go of the negativity will make you feel far better in the long run than clutching those negative emotions like the safety blanket they are, and if you’re having a hard time not being nasty, just pretend for now. Pretty soon you’ll be surprised at how free you really are, and that’s the case even if you’ve just been pretending and forcing yourself to move on up until that point.