Find Balance after a Bad Split

A break-up can be devastating and a divorce even more so. Often the longer a relationship, the more challenging the split, and even if you’re breaking up or divorcing amicably, there is still a great deal to process and adjust to.


We would all like to be warrior women who go on without blinking an eye after a break-up, but we’re not. There is a naturally a grieving process that occurs, and you should embrace this as much as possible. Cry, yell, pound your pillow and watch depressing movies until you’re all cried out. Then, you can move on.

Put Dreams to Rest

There are always some dreams associated with longer relationships, and if you’ve been storing up some hopes and dreams for the future, this is sadly the time to put them to rest. A divorce or break-up after five years means you won’t be having beautiful babies together and you won’t be frolicking on a white sand beach – at least with him. Acknowledge and then let those dreams fade away.

Focus on a Whole Self

As you’re venting your grief and moving past the relationship, use your extra time and energy to focus on making yourself a whole person. You should be a complete person without a relationship, and this is the perfect time to find what you love and what sorts of things really suit you. Travel, take a class, watch new shows, dye your hair. Slowly, but surely, fill yourself up with goodness and there won’t be an empty spot left for grief.

Find a Safe Place

Even as you are rebuilding your life in a new way that better suits you, you will always have ups and downs. Embrace these and find a soft place to land at the same time. Use your mother, sisters, friends or even a therapist or minister as a person to talk to when the going gets tough. Having a safe network to love you even when you fall and sob endlessly is, perhaps, your most important network of all.